My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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