I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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