She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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