East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
