I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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