alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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