The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
