I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
