Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
this hospital has no fireball
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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