I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
