What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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