I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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