god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
