we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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