if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize