My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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