My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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