My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
