He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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