My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
