he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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