I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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