If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
