Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
