I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
