i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
