my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
