6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
