I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
