I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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