Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
