I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
