Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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