literally had 100 drinks last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
