I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
