I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
