Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
