Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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