so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
