Soap is not a condiment
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize