She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
please come you make the beer taste better
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
