You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't deserve a penis
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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