Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
