Ambien. No doubt about it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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