I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
