i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
