I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
