you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
