chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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