even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
