'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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