That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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