I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
