Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
