My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
