what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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