there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
