You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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