I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
