now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
