3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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