the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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