Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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