wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
