he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
