dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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