They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
