I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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