I hate your face
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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