i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
