Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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