Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
