Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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