We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
