Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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