I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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