In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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