She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
