I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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