By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
