my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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